The dog story. Long. And I have yet to see the humor in it, so we'll just say she got out again and after a young man was really helpful in trying to (unsuccessfully) catch her, his jack wagon of a friend about got himself introduced to some Carter boys. No one speaks to me that way. I could have kicked him in the shin and not deserved to be spoken to (or screamed at and threatened) in the manner that this little man-child chose to. Should he ever cross my path again, I will be happy to remind him of such. And next time I will not be as polite as I was today. Further, if there are no Carter boys available, Tuscola's finest will do nicely.
Enough of that. On to the self-deprecating humor.
I work from home. Sophia is my office assistant. She is not very good at her job. She's not quite three, but don't call child labor on me. She's all I can afford at the rate I pay. (I pay in popsicles and tutus). Regardless, for whatever reason, she had possession of a roll of toilet paper. As any nearly-three year old will do, she unrolled the roll of toilet paper. I was, of course, buried in my computer trying to earn money to buy more toilet paper. When I looked up, she was proudly carrying the unrolled, well, roll of paper to show me how she "got it all off the tube." Fantastic, Sophia. Maybe, I don't know. Read a book. Try some SesameStreet.org (she can open chrome and find the site by herself, afterall). I saw the dog running towards her, all excited about the new thing she was about to shred all over the floor, so my immediate reaction was, "Hurry, Fia, take that to the bathroom." She did as she was told. She took it to the bathroom. And then I heard the toilet flush.
And finally, a public service announcement: Nutrogena Grapefruit Facewash smells really good. It smells like fresh grapefruit. If you get accidentally get some in your mouth, it does not taste like fresh grapefruit.