Thursday, May 3, 2012
For reasons I can't will not go into detail with, it was the ONLY outlet I had. I couldn't post, even on my "private" message boards because, well, everything I said or did was being watched. Eventually, I was able to gain some control over that situation and began blogging on that one social networking site that has all the blinky stuff. It's not that I didn't have in-person friends to talk to. It's just that I was in such bad shape, I didn't want to. Unfortunately, that drove many of them away.
As time passed, I learned to use my filter (believe it or not, I used to be worse ;-) ). I am very careful what I say regarding certain parts of my life on Facebook - out of respect for my children and others that I care about - and well, I don't really want everyone to know every thing that goes through my mind. ;-) And quite frankly, I know most people really don't care. (I know this because of the amount of people I have hidden or restricted on Facebook. hee hee.)
But sometimes, you just have to vent. You have to scream. You need to get it out. I'm glad that I have several places I can do that safely. I actually had to block a person that I really do like on one of those safe places because she didn't follow my "it stays here" rule.
(This post is not taking the direction I had intended. I guess I'll have to draft a second one.)
I'm having another one of those "brick" kind of time periods. It's nothing like the one when I wrote that journal entry. I have the perspective to know that it will get better. But I also have the experience to know that EVERY time I allow myself to be happy or think, "Hey, things are going pretty well" the bottom falls out and the bricks start falling, so I try not to think that.
The good thing is that this time I have friends, both in person and the ones I can only talk to online (thank GOD for the Internet. Seriously) , that can make me laugh, make me forget about being stressed out, and will catch a brick or two for me every now and then, even if they don't realize they are doing it.
Anyway, those of you who do that - and if you're reading this, you're likely one of them - thank you for that. Really. Thank you.