I'm Running For Office - POTUS: Cable TV Division

 Crystal in '12: Focused on the Issues That Affect REAL Americans.

#1 Criminal Minds is in every way superior to CSI.

#2 All Americans who watch the Walking Dead will get a tax break for emergency preparedness.

#3 Those who watch the news and clutter up my TL with such will be taxed. The tax is payable in bacon, maple syrup, and fancy chocolates.  Bonus points if you can combine the three.

#4 Storage Wars, Cake Wars, Swamp Wars...and any other of those "Confessional Format" shows may only be watched in a soundproof room and far, far away from my presence. The penalty is stabbing. With a plastic spoon.

#5 There shall be an "All Friends" channel.  Ross, Joey, Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe. 24/7.

Get on board. I need a running mate.


*Slogan credit to @agaile, campaign manager