I had this deep, thoughtful post planned out about social anxiety and how I'm only partly joking when I say I don't go anywhere anymore because I hate people. I don't really hate people. Actually, it's quite the opposite. I tend to find the good in people, even to a point when I get trampled on repeatedly. I'm working on that. I don't go out because people make me nervous.
But I'll save that for another day. I'm not feeling serious tonight.
Nope, tonight, I'd like to talk about peanut butter. Ok, not really. I would just like to EAT some peanut butter. But we don't have any. We don't have any because if I buy peanut butter, I eat peanut butter. I don't think sloths should consume a lot of peanut butter. We don't move fast enough to work it off.
Oh. I do have some "the dog got out" stories. Yeah, so, the dog has learned to slip off her collar. To remedy this, I bought her a harness. She's a BIG dog. So I bought a large. The medium looked way too small. The large...well, I guess she's not that big. She got out of the harness. Houdini dog. Sometimes I just hate her. But she's like a Velociraptor. She can open doors. Ok, not the handles yet, but she can open the sliding door to the patio. We have to barricade it.
More pet stories. The old crabby ass man across the street STILL thinks my cat is crapping in his yard. She has not been outside since the day he accused her of doing so. He apparently thinks she' the ONLY CAT IN TOWN.
Speaking of... I still don't have my baby Oreo back, but I do give that stupid woman dirty looks every time I drive by her house. She knows. If she sees me, she runs back into the house. I'm thinking of printing out pictures of my cat and taping them all over the outside of her apartment. Cat stealing bitch.
I really want some peanut butter.
And I think I need less pets. Or maybe I'll get a fish. Fish can't open doors can they?